10 Things No One Tells You About Moving Across The Country
In preparation for my move across the country from Seattle to New York City last fall, I sought out the advice of the internet, and of friends who had made similar treks. What I got was practical tips on how to ship boxes to my new residence, good neighborhoods to scope out, and how to avoid the dreaded (and totally ridiculous) broker fee. It was all good advice, so I was prepared for the move. Or so I thought. Once I actually landed in New York last October and began to settle in, I realized how not prepared I was mentally and emotionally.
Of course, it's not all bad; embarking on a (more than) 2,000-mile journey across the country inevitably comes with its fair share of positive, life-changing moments, and I've certainly had some of those myself - but at the same time absolutely nothing that significant comes without a big serving of trials and tribulations.
And so I write this blog post in the hope that it will prepare someone else for the multitude of things that absolutely no one talks about when it comes to moving across the country.
Making New Friends Is Hard - Making friends as an adult is universally challenging, but doing so in a brand new city where you have yet to establish yourself in any capacity is much harder. Back home I had a core group of friends, most of whom I met in college, but unfortunately in the real world we don't all live in a dorm where we're literally forced to interact with one another for an entire school year. Cultivating meaningful, long-lasting connections with people takes a lot of hard work, and as working adults we just don’t have the same amount of free time (or energy) that we did as 18-year-olds.
You’ll Experience Culture Shocks - There are times when it feels like New York City is on an entirely different planet, and there are a lot of things that I do not (and probably will never) fully understand about this place. For example, why does absolutely no one here seem to care about the environment? Why are there literally never enough cashiers working at any store? And can people learn how to not drive like total assholes? That's only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the number of things that confuse me about this place, but typing the rest of it out would take all night. Needless to say, New York is about as different as you could possibly get from Seattle - in both good and bad ways. But even the most open-minded people are bound to feel overwhelmed by the constant unavoidable bombardment of brand new stimuli.
You’ll Feel Lonely - I can't stress enough that this has probably been the hardest part of the move for me, and I wish that someone had warned me about it ahead of time. My personal experience with loneliness so far has been rooted in a combination of every other point in this list: Difficulty making friends, a general lack of familiarity with things, and culture shocks have all made for the perfect storm. Additionally, living through the isolating nature of a pandemic hasn't made things any easier - It's in human nature to seek out meaningful connections with others, after all.
You’ll Have Historical Revisionism About Your Old City - I'd wager a bet that practically everyone who moves to a new place is guilty of doing this. There are many, many things I dislike about Seattle to this day: The pretentious tech bro culture, the eight months straight of overcast skies, and the lack of diversity are just a few things that come to mind. But upon moving to New York, I've often found myself tempted to talk about the things that I do love about Seattle - and I periodically even forget about some of the bad.
The Move Won't Solve All Of Your Problems - While this sounds like the world's most obvious point, I’ll be the first to admit that a part of me assumed that moving across the country would fix a lot of my problems without me having to make much effort - but surprise! It didn’t. In fact, I gained a whole host of new problems. Before moving to New York, I was struggling with feelings of stagnancy in my life and a lack of creative inspiration, and while I was certainly riding on the highs of being in a new place for the first few months, the frustration set in once I realized that these issues weren’t going away. So while moving across the country will inevitably give you new and exciting experiences, at the end of the day, you’re still the same you.
It Will Bring Out Your Demons - Speaking of gaining a whole host of new problems, I had some form of a mental breakdown about four months into my time in New York as the loneliness that I mentioned above really started to kick in. I had been experiencing some depression for quite a while by that point, but my depressive thoughts shifted from a lack of motivation to a debilitating existential crisis that I just couldn't seem to shake. Needless to say, any mental health issues you may have been bottling up back home will eventually come up to the surface in full force. (And just a friendly reminder that there’s absolutely no shame in seeking out therapy when you need help.)
You’ll Realize How Much You Took For Granted Back Home - There are a lot of things I miss about Seattle. The most obvious is my friends and support system, but I also miss the mountains, the Vietnamese food, Seattle Center, and the beautiful summers - to name just a few.
You’ll Feel Overwhelmed By How Many Things You Have To Do In Order To Get “Comfortable” In Your New City - Being comfortable in the place you live involves a lot of little things that we just don’t think about on a daily basis, including having a go-to coffee shop, knowing your neighbors, knowing the best bars around, or even little unfamiliar cultural mannerisms (New Yorkers are not afraid to shove their way into a packed train car, for example). Until you have all of these things established, it’s difficult to feel like you’re truly “at home” - and it's a process that takes longer than you might think.
You’ll Cling To Who And What You Know - One of the first friends I made here in New York was a fellow Seattleite, which was comforting because we could talk about the things that annoyed us about back home, and the things that we miss. I also find myself occasionally striking up conversations with people who mention that they've visited Seattle before, or with the occasional passerby sporting a Seahawks hat. And lastly, never underestimate the power of food as a major source of comfort. If I'm feeling a little homesick, Thai or Indian food always reminds me of home (and I'm sorry New Yorkers, but neither are that great here).
You’ll Get A New Lease On Life - Although the move won’t solve all of your problems as I mentioned above, just know that it takes a lot of guts to make a life change that big, and you should feel proud of yourself for giving it a shot. Even if you end up having to move back to your old city or someplace else entirely, you’ll have gained new perspectives and experiences that you can take with you for life. Ultimately, life is short and the time you have in your new home is whatever you make of it.
Michelle
August 30, 2020
